Marrying a Thai girl
I’ve been married to my wife for over a decade now, we have a four-year old son and have recently moved to the UK, one last stint, two years is the plan before moving back over to Asia permanently, I got offered a place at a great Uni to finish my degree, plus the schooling here is free, and to give my son the best possible start at a decent school was just another driving factor in making a pretty tough decision. With my parents getting older and having a little nephew here as well, the decision was finalised.
My wife and I met whilst working at a school in Chiang Mai, I was in my late twenties and just about to move on from Thailand. I was getting a bit fed up and bored with my current teaching job where I’d been working for six years, and was surprised when my wife to be asked me out on a date. We taught together for a few years and I’d always really fancied her but thought I had no chance whatsoever as she was already in a relationship. Funny, when you look for something, you don’t find it, but when you look the other way the thing which you were so caught up in finding suddenly lands on your lap.
I hadn’t had many serious relationships in the UK, so I can’t really compare, but our relationship for the most part has been a fairytale, however the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever, things start to become more normalized after a year or two, so to keep the candle burning and continue the magical feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship, I’ve realized one has to work at it to get the most out of the gift been given. I guess like anything in life, it should never be taken for granted.
The Thailand Fantasy
Moving to Thailand with the hope of finding true love is definitely possible, however in my opinion, finding that person, is like looking for true love in any other country in the world. The usual pitfalls of the bar scene can confuse and give off the wrong impression as girls will just throw themselves at you skyrocketing the ego. Insecurity can be transformed very quickly into brute confidence from the constant flurry of complements, the broad smiles bamboozling, making one rather weak at the knees. However, beneath that beautiful smile is a complex human being with the usual array of emotions. It’s incredibly easy to get drawn in and then spat out, resulting in a rather empty wallet and shattered soul.
It’s common sense, though, that you get to know the person before diving headfirst into a marriage. Don’t fall for the ‘I love you longtime’ card, or convince yourself that ‘my girl is different’. If anything, finding a Thai woman with the ultimate goal of getting married isn’t an easy feat as there are cultural aspects that are vastly different from the western mentality, language barrier etc.
The Visa Reality
What I’ve found especially taxing is the visa situation for a Thai in the UK, I know other countries have more relaxed polices, but in England the system makes it difficult to remain here on a permanent basis without a considerable chunk of change in the bank, it’s not crazy ridiculous what they’re asking, but difficult when your coming back as a student and have a child.
My wife has a two-year open visa, which is a visa where she has to leave every six months, but can come and go over the two-year period. After the six-month period, she then has to either fly to a country where there are no visa restrictions like Turkey, stay for a few days and then come back, or go back to Thailand. Since we have a child together, this is very inconvenient.
Aside from the dull visa elephant, life married to Thai has been a peaceful and serene existence. The stigma which goes along side it can be annoying at times or funny depending on how you see it. Something else to add is that for a foreigner wanting to live in the land of smiles with their spouse, for the long term marriage visa, one needs to show 400k(just under £10k) every year — a bit of a chunk, the other options are the student visa or being granted a work permit through working in a school, hotel or some other job that grants foreigners the right to work with a visa. Also, it’s slightly different for a foreign woman marrying a Thai as they don’t have to show the 400k each year.
Beyond the Stereotypes
Finally, people are people so I’m not going to label here or stereotype, like give the pluses and negatives to marrying a Thai, as human beings, we are all pretty similar, we all eat, shit and fuck. At the end of the day, it’s about connection, feeling content with one another. For me, I’ve found comfort, calmness and appreciation for living a simpler way of life. The noise of materialistic distractions has been muted through a combination of the country I chose to spend a significant chunk of my life in and the person I’ve chosen to settle down with. Doing a geographical doesn’t guarantee a certain ticket to a fairytale romance, it’s really about being happy within yourself, once you love you, then the rest follows. I’m not a saint and I’d be lying if I said my relationship was perfect, however, after twelve years with the same woman and having a son it’s the gratitude that pulls me through.
